I grew up in Bristol, CT in a family dynamic that was not quite ready for ME! My mother was a narcissist and my Dad a workaholic and addict. My childhood memories were that of being told, “there is something wrong with you”. There was a lot of confusion around my birth, and things became clear as I reached puberty that I was born intersex and a mistake had been made when deciding which sex to put on my birth certificate. I was never comfortable with how I was forced to present, and the constructs of living in the wrong gender created incredible amounts of stress and trauma during my childhood. Daily acts of bullying and aggression created a level of CPTSD which can still rear its ugly head today. I created a life of disassociating, finding ways to self-soothe with painting and drawing. I remember my Dad screaming at me, “why don’t you have any friends?”.  My first suicide attempt occurred in my sophomore year when my parents wanted to put me into “conversion therapy” This is when I completely separated from my soul. Only now do I realize this separation is the armor that allowed me to continue living but not allowing me to process the trauma I was enduring. Unprocessed trauma leads to a lifetime of health issues, intense triggers, shame, people-pleasing, depression, and an overall feeling of worthlessness. That was me for the more significant portion of my life. 

Upon graduating High School and informing my parents that this lie could no longer continue, I was asked to leave the house and never return. What at the time seemed extremely harsh was actually a gift, as it allowed me to live my life as I wanted, albeit alone with no parental support of any kind. I moved to New York City and completed my transition. Life was good, and I began living in the gender I was supposed to be. I was wild. I put myself into so many situations that should have ended my life, testing the waters of living and truly not caring whether my life continued or not. I learned later this is the behavior of someone who has endured CPTSD during their upbringing. I needed support if I was going to live and enjoy a life of fulfillment and joy. 

That support came in the form of Buddhism. As a child, I was always fascinated with Buddha. I was reminded statues and paintings were in my world, but I never knew the connection would be so strong. In 1997 I was introduced to my first Tibetan Lama, and took my vows of refuge with him. I began a rigorous practice of Ngondro, which allows the initiate the ability to receive higher teachings by clearing away the karma accrued, blocking this ability. I entered week long and month long solitary retreats.  And at the same time I took a vow of celibacy. Taking this vow I began removing the “pressures of society” to have a partner and instead could truly focus on becoming my own best friend.  I was serious. I wanted help, and deep down I knew this would provide the guidance and awareness I needed at this time. I woke everyday at 4 am to “practice” for two hours, then again in the evening. The process and ritual of prostrations and the hundreds of mantras calmed my mind and began to heal my heart. I was starting to find peace, and with it came more vows. I took the Boddhisatva vow to not kill or harm another. This vow was very powerful for me, as it allowed me to consider that we are all one truly, and to have respect and honor for even the smallest of sentient beings. This vow instilled blessings in my life that I will forever be grateful for. What better service to humanity is there than not to harm another? It was through Buddhism that I found my connection to my heart, I learned to have compassion for my parents who did the best they could with the information they had, and I was able to forgive my Mother for the part she played in my trauma. 

In 2014, a friend shared a “ceremony” she had attended with me. I had remarked how incredibly beautiful and peaceful she was. I signed up, not knowing what I was going to ingest or what I was in for. The medicine was only referred to as “Queen Mother of All Teacher Plants”. Little did I know it was Iboga, and I was in for the ride of my life. At the time, I was being treated for “neck pain”, and even though there was never a diagnosis, they kept feeding me opioids. Unaware of the depth of my addiction, I swallowed my first spoonful of the bitter tasting “root bark” and lay back to begin the ceremony. I was in hell, as the iboga began clearing my body of the opioids, and the years of party substances I had ingested, I was in agony, my body felt like I had stuck my finger in an electrical socket.There was pain everywhere, and then came the nausea. Iboga needs a clear vessel before she can begin any psycho-spiritual process. This went on for 8 hours, all night long. During the following day I was completely exhausted, and spent the entire day on my mattress just trying to get comfortable. Only to start the whole process again the following night. 

       Things were a bit easier this night, as the medicine began to “show me” through psychedelic visions the events of my life that created the situation I was in. The neck pain was my husband. He was creating this “pain” and it would continue until I ended the situation. 

      “The Queen” also showed me that it was Ok to share my history, and that in that sharing I would be able to help others whom have lived with the trauma I had. She gave me the permission to share my intersexuality and that it was Ok to admit this. My life moving forward would be very different, I had found peace within, and a joy and sense of wholeness.

    I began to “hold space” in ceremonies with iboga, and started the process of traveling to Gabon, West Africa to be initiated into the Bwiti culture. This initiation process is not for the faint of heart, as all worldly comforts are stripped away, and you are at one with your entire being. You are faced with all the realms in which we hide, and shown the ways in which we do not serve ourselves. It was in Gabon that I “found my soul”. The vision during my initiation was clear, I was in a operating room, and the Dr was trying to pump my stomach, I had taken a deadly dose of my Mothers sleeping pills and did not want to live. And if they were successful at pumping my stomach, it meant I had to continue my life living as a boy. This is when I separated from my soul.

      I firmly believe if everyone was given the opportunity to spend a week like this, the world would be a much more kinder and open one. I came back from Gabon with a completely renewed outlook and way of living. A more simple way, one where material things and money do not hold the reigns of my existence. A more simple life. I was asked by my teacher to return to train. He told me “Dayle, you will take Bwiti in a whole new direction”. Now I am indeed serving this sacrament, both in microdosing as well as private flood doses. Iboga has the power to truly show you where you are in alignment and where you are not. It is real “shadow work” and I have witnessed such transformations with this sacrament.

     Today my life is full, I help people on the daily, and am happier than I have ever been. Finding these alternative medicines has enabled me to help so many, and witness their transformations. I am forever grateful for all of my many teachers, and guides, and still learn to this day. 

Dayle’s true joy is being of service. She is a Certified Kambo Facilitator, Iboga Provider, Bufo Facilitator, and all around Medicine Woman. Dayle is a Reiki Master, Revelation Breathwork Facilitator, and gifted Sound Healer. With her broad background and experience (both in life and in holistic healing), she is able to offer highly customized and profoundly effective healing therapies for each individual. as they journey inside themselves to unlock their full potential.

She is working on developing a platform to assist other transgender people through the transition process.